LOOKING FOR POLYANNA

When Greg and I were dating, he would often tease me when I would voice my opinions about other people’s driving. Whenever someone would “cut” us off or drive too quickly or race an amber light, I would come to that person’s defense!  I would speculate why he was in such a hurry, or what he had on his mind that made him so distracted from driving carefully.  That was the beginning of Greg calling me “Polyanna” since I usually saw the good in people or at least I tried to understand their deviance! Some might claim that having this kind of positive mind set means that you are not viewing life realistically – that you are much too simplistic and very naïve.  Yet I believe that this attitude set me free from being controlled by circumstances or by people .  I am no longer a “Polyanna,” but now I am much more prone to disillusionment and cynicism.  Criticism rather than mercy comes more readily. Oddly, I don’t think it is my circumstances that have precipitated this negative outlook since there have always been hurdles to overcome and there have always been people who have disappointed me.   However, I think this illness has made it easier for me to become more self-absorbed so that my focus has increasingly become how everyone and everything is affecting me personally.

These thoughts began to crystallize when I was watching an episode from the television series, House.   House was treating a patient who had such a sunny disposition that when someone acted rather aggressively toward him, he hugged that person! House believed this behavior  was a symptom of something seriously wrong. Of course he was right and by the end of the show, the patient was eating hospital food and he discovered there were some foods he didn’t like and he said so.  The camera then zooms in on his wife who looks wary and sad since she had told House earlier that her husband’s niceness had made her become a better person.  And now she hears him say, “I wonder what else I don’t like “.   From now on this character would be much more focused on what he doesn’t like than what he does like.  Along with his wife, I felt sad too because I knew that I have increasingly heightened my awareness of what I don’t like and this focus has its dangers since it could transform me into what this character would likely become: critical, irritable, easily hurt, disillusioned, cynical, angry, and unhappy.  By the end of this show I knew I wanted to rediscover the “Polyanna” that used to form the basis of my thoughts and reactions.  

 Of course, what I must really develop is the ability to consistently view circumstances and people through the lenses of Jesus Christ.    He was not surprised by people’s shortcomings but oddly loved them even more because of them.  He was not overcome by circumstances because His focus was not on Himself.  I do not want to be more self-absorbed than other-absorbed, to be critical rather than merciful, or to be cynical rather than optimistic.  Each time I focus on what I don’t like about a circumstance or a person, I sacrifice my happiness and my contentment which is rather ironic since my negative reaction or negative response is a result of trying to protect my well being!  The less self-absorbed I am the happier I become!!  I would prefer to focus less on what I don’t like in order to have the privilege of being like the patient in the episode of House who inspired his wife to be a “nicer” person.  What a lovely epitaph to say of someone:  She made me aspire to be a nicer human being.