Posted by: gaylejervis | March 3, 2011

FINDING THE CHIP ON MY SHOULDER

There’s a chip on my shoulder

And it’s big as a boulder

With the chance I’ve been given

I’m gonna be driven as hell

It takes tough determination to maintain a spirit of hope after 13 years of trying many types of treatments that haven’t improved my health.  Two years ago when I started a rather extensive overhaul in nutrition and environment plus introduced many supplements and prescriptions, Greg and I were hopeful that we were finally on the right track.  Then my health actually worsened the first year, and before I had an opportunity to stabilize from these aggressive treatments, I was hospitalized for uterine cancer.

As I told my doctor this morning, the fatigue and pain have not improved.   The only upside is that I don’t have as many crashes due to chemical sensitivities.

My doctor still believes that my health will improve as I detoxify the high levels of mercury and lead in my body.  However, he did confess that if his patients don’t start improving after 18 months, he begins to look for other contributing factors.  And that is what he has begun doing today.

Just recently, a more accurate testing for Lyme’s Disease has been developed.  I went to the lab today and they had to call the lab in Manitoba where my blood test is being sent,  to even confirm how to execute the test.  It would be short of a miracle if that is what I have since only three months of high dosages of antibiotics would significantly improve my symptoms.

However I am not really writing to discuss whether I might have Lyme’s Disease. Rather, today’s doctor’s appointment was a reminder that I need to keep “A Chip On My Shoulder”.  Recently, I heard the lyrics to this song from the musical Legally Blonde when I was becoming increasingly discouraged wondering if I will ever experience a cure.  As I listened, I sensed that I needed to become more “combative” toward this illness.

When I saw the doctor this morning, I was reminded that I am very fortunate to have a doctor who  is on the cutting edge of new medical advances and he hasn’t given up on me.  He is prepared to keep sharing any new information, tests and treatments that will improve my lifestyle. Therefore, I should really be singing the lyrics from the song “Chip On Your Shoulder”:

With the chance I’ve been given

I’m gonna be driven as hell

I need to be “driven as hell” and trust that a cure is possible. In fact,  “I’m so close I can taste it.”

I have observed that throughout this illness, when I need to protect myself from further disappointments, I adopt a passive somewhat resigned state of mind. Therefore, I haven’t seen my doctor since November even though he expects me to see him every month.  I’m beginning to realize  that if this self-protective attitude becomes dominant, it could cost me my health.  Recently, my daughter interrupted my passivity by telling me that our doctor wants me to see him since he has some new information he would like to share with me. It still took me two months to make that appointment.  What if I choose not to make that appointment next time and the answer to my health was sitting on my doctor’s desk?

On May 20, 1830, A New York newspaper, Long Island Telegraph, printed:

When two churlish boys were determined to fight, a chip would be placed on the shoulder of one, and the other demanded to knock it off at his peril.”

I need to become one of those “churlish boys” as I imagine myself placing a chip on my shoulder determined to fight my avenger  – my poor health.  I dare these symptoms to knock off my chip as I square my shoulders once again ready to fight this disease.

I’m so close I can taste it

So I’m not gonna waste it

Yeah, there’s a chip on my shoulder

You might wanna get one as well.

http://www.dreamstime.com/stock-image-boulder-rimagefree1829361-resi3079134

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